Dad and Crib

This video made me laugh--this looks like a long night.

Also, big thanks to the two followers of my blog...Marcie (a family friend) and some unidentified person named Keri. Here's to you both. 

Soccer, Fantasy Football, and the Remote Control

Editors note: Normally I am a fan of proper grammar. But these posts are coming straight from my head and they may not be grammatically correct. Don't judge. 

Dictionary.com lists the definition of the word "frustration" as such:

a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.


I suffer from frustration and it all builds up. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that soccer isn't exactly my game. It's not like I've ever played or pretend to know anything about it. But, for some reason, I've been playing as a Keeper for an indoor soccer team with a friend of mine. Needless to say, I struggle sometimes. I have good games, don't get me wrong, but I also have poor performances as Keeper--specifically the last two games we've played. 
I get so frustrated with it and I feel like freaking out! It's laughable how much soccer has been bugging me lately. 
Fantasy football. I love it, but I despise it as well. Frustrating, to say the least. You tell me how I can have a team with top five running backs, wide receivers, and quarterback and find myself playing this weekend for 7th place...7th place! What has happened?? I'm supposed to dominate fantasy football, it's not even supposed to be a question. It's laughable how much fantasy football has been bugging me lately. 

The stupid remote control in my bedroom. "Hi, DirecTV, I pay you a monthly fee for things that are supposed to work. Can you tell me why the menu is taking forever to load and why out of the blue the channel info comes up on screen"? (Don't tell me to check the batteries, I've already done that). It's laughable how much my remote control has been bugging me lately. 
Work. Oh work. It's laughable how much work has been bugging me lately. See video to above. (Just kidding, this guy is crazy. I'm not that crazy). 
When I start to think about how ridiculous it is to be upset by these things, I wonder why I am. 
Here's what I've concluded: It's not about soccer. It's not about fantasy football. It's not about the remote control. It's not even really about work. 
It's about my frustrations as I attempt to be the worlds first perfect dad six months before the child is born. 
We've wanted this baby as a member of our family for so long and I don't want to be anything less than the best dad...and it frustrates me when I don't feel like I'm living up to what that child needs ALL the time. 
Lately, the four months of really trying to be perfect and failing have brought me to a frustration boiling point. Not with anyone else really (except for you work, you're not getting off that easy!) but with myself. 
Editors note: One shouldn't read too much into this. Meaning, Kyle isn't this terrible guy who is committing a myriad of whoredoms and the like. It's more like small things that he is trying to be perfect at and failing. 
Here's the deal: It's probably a good thing for me to realize now that I can't be that perfect dad rather than realize it once the child has arrived. It's probably good to understand now that, while I'll give everything I have to attempt to be the best dad, I'm going to come up short. It's going to happen. 
I only hope that God (if you don't believe in God, please don't stop reading) will continue to help me become the kind of dad that my child needs. 
Frustration is brutal. It can play mind games with you and can make you doubt. I hope to continue growing and lessen the frustrating doubt that clouds my thoughts at times. 
I truly look forward to a day when I can sit with our child and discuss deeper thoughts as well as things like soccer, fantasy football, and the stupid remote control. :)

Kyle's Thoughts On Round Ligament Pain

There is a website I frequent, www.babycenter.com. It's a fantastic reference for expectant mothers and fathers--there's even a section of the website called "expectant dads."

Have I sold you on the site yet? Go ahead, click the link. Check it out for yourself. It's fantastic.

Ok, now that you've had a chance to look at it, I can continue. Annie is currently sitting at about 16 weeks pregnant and the last couple of days she has been in a little bit of pain. A sharp, stabbing sensation that is in the lower abdomen, groin, and pelvic bone area. It's not so much cramping as it is sharp, so I'm told.

I sometimes get fixated on things and especially when Annie is telling me about pain she is experiencing. I want to know if it's normal, what it is, and how she can alleviate it. It's truly a blessing to have technology like we do today. I could go right to the internet, check out www.babycenter.com and read all about this type of pain--which is most likely Round Ligament Pain (which I will also be referring to as a proper noun for some reason).

I had Annie come in the room and I read her about a page and a half of what the website said about this pain and the symptoms. I basically read verbatim what she was saying about the pain. We're still going to call our health care providor (aka, Annie's cousin who works at our doctor's office) tomorrow just to alert them and seek their opinion as well, but it is truly a relief to have that kind of information available at the drop of a hat.

I was thinking about the women of the "old days" and what it must have been like for them to go through this experience with no knowledge of what was happening and no way to really get any knowledge about it. I have to imagine that they were as tough as nails.

If you're looking for some information on Round Ligament Pain (proper noun), please feel free to give me a call or shoot me an email, I can fill you in on it.

Abridged explanation: the ligaments that surround the uterus (the round ligaments) are stretching as the uterus expands (as The News is trying to create more room for his or herself (gender undetermined at the moment and won't be known until June, thank you Annie)). This stretching causes a sharp, stabbing sensation. There, now you know.

On another note, we saw Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol tonight... I loved it! But I like most movies, so don't hold it against me if you don't like it. I mean, sure, there are some parts where you're not really sure someone could pull that off or survive something, but all in all, I enjoyed it.

I would have rather had Kettle Corn (deserves to be a proper noun), but we were seeing it at a different theatre, so alas, there was no Kettle Corn.

But I digress...

Dad Life

I came across this video a couple of years ago when it first came out. I thought it was hillarious then. I find it just as funny now, but also, I use it as a reference. I've already purchased some jean shorts to go with my gas station glasses.

I've stocked up on Roundup. I'm prepared to take my daughty to the potty and shoot vids of the kids.

My pal Brandon pulled up to my house last night (Christmas card stuff, you'll soon see) and he was rollin' in his mini van and I was reminded of this video again. He's one of the happiest Dad's I've ever seen--I certainly hope to be as good of a dad as I know he is.

This is my first child, so some of the things in this video are just things I've observed with other dads and obviously not experienced myself.

But if my life as a Dad is full of daily activities like the Dad's in this video, then I'll be super happy! And pretty hip.

December 17

Editors note: This post was started on December 17, but due to a late night movie (In Time--it was entertaining, but not award-worthy by any stretch of the imagination) I finished the post on December 18 :)

I was watching the news tonight when the story was brought up of what happened one year ago in Utah County. I can't believe that it was one year ago. Today has a special feel to it.

One year ago today (December 17) people around Utah awoke to the news of the Provo Tabernacle literally burning down before our eyes. It marked a sad end to a once beautiful and historic building (which will be restored in the next couple of years to become even more beautiful).

But the fire in Provo couldn't have been any further from my mind that day in 2010. While many people I know were gathering on the streets around the Tabernacle to witness it in person, I was sitting in the waiting room at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center waiting for a procedure called a D and C to be completed on the Mrs. I didn't see any flames from the Tabernacle, but my lifeless stare out of the window of the waiting room was often interrupted by the billows of smoke I could see from the downtown Provo area.

Prior to December 17, 2010 I had never even heard of that procedure (I still don't even know what those letters stand for).

I try not to think about that day too much, but I still reflect on it every now and then because it was such a major part of our lives.

I remember walking across the street during the procedure and getting a Steak and Cheese sandwich (The Italian Place makes Philadelphia itself look stupid) and I remember the feelings of hopelessness that were running through my head. I was scared for Annie, I was scared for the future.

I've been to that Italian Place recently and the stark contrast in feelings from last year's visit is so refreshing.

I'm so thankful that this December we're celebrating 16 weeks of strong fetal development.

November 2, 2011

If you were to ask me what happened on November 2 of any year between 1983-2010, I would have no idea. I wouldn't be able to really recount what the day was like, what my thoughts were like, or where I even was.

Although, if you're talking November 2 of either 2002 or 2003, chances are I was losing hair and gaining weight somewhere in the Northwest as an LDS missionary. :)

But November 2, 2011 will be a date I will never forget in my entire life. I remember the week before how stressed I was--because November 2, 2011 marked the date we had our first doctor's appointment for this pregnancy. Annie was 8 weeks pregnant with The News and this was the appointment that, one year earlier, had shattered our world (see post titled "December 17").

Our appointment was for 2:30 and I showed up to the doctor's office at about 2:00. I figured that I was not much good at work that day, so I thought I'd just occupy the sofa at Valley Obstetrics in Provo, Utah (a fantastic group of people by the way). I remember watching Annie pull into the parking lot and observing her walk into the office. She had left work early and was calling it a day as well. I could tell she was nervous, but she also appeared confident.

We went to the exam room where our doctor Heidi came in. I think I cracked some joke about me being up on the examination table and I'm not sure how she took it (I'm sure I nailed it ;)).  The truth was I just wanted the appointment to be over. I just wanted to make a positive phone call to the people I loved. I wanted to go home with Annie and NOT have to sit down and ask "why."

Heidi did the doctor thing and said Annie was measuring right at 8 weeks and 4 days. Because of our history, she ordered an ultrasound for that same afternoon. My stomach turned and my palms were raining sweat. You'd have thought I just ran into the girl of my dreams in between 6th and 7th period at Canyon View Junior High School (I won't disclose her name...not even now!).

We went into the ultrasound room and were greeted right away. I remember the moment that the technician began the ultrasound--I almost couldn't even look at the screen. It really didn't take long before I could see a flashing light on the screen and the technician confirmed that it was indeed The News' heartbeat--182 POWERFUL BEATS PER MINUTE.

I was trying to be cool and not cry, but I couldn't help it. The tears were filling my eyes and I didn't care at all--it was easily the best news (no pun intended with our unidentified child) I have ever had.

When we called our families, I could feel instant relief. We knew we weren't out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination, but we knew we had survived. We knew we had a living, heart-beating, size of a bean child--and that's all we cared about!

The News

Getting "The News" that the Mrs. (heretofore referred to as Annie, since that's her name) was pregnant was not something new for us.

Little known Flanagan fact, Annie has been pregnant a couple of times before--both resulting in miscarriages. So, getting The News again was very exciting, but also very nervewracking and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. (p.s. I will be referring to The News as a proper noun throughout the blog posts--mainly because Annie won't let me find out if The News is a boy or a girl, so I don't know what to call The News other than The News (I guess I could call it The Baby, but I like The News better, so I will go with that)).

By this time in our pregnancy attempts (which I will speak to more later) we were very certain about when the best time for us to have a baby would be so we weren't incredibly surprised when the pregnancy test came back positive--just incredibly nervous.

For me, the first 8-9 weeks were full of so many emotions and uncertainty. I couldn't focus on anything I was trying to accomplish. I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the two unsuccessful pregnancies that we had experienced. Not knowing how The News was developing or if The News was developing was pure torture.

But we buckled up and settled in for an extremely long 8 weeks. Each day took forever in my head and the emotions were all over the place. We had a date for that first doctor's appointment, November 2, 2011. But we also had two months of waiting.

Introduction

From the moment we heard out baby's heartbeat on our second trip to the doctor, I thought it would be fun to document my thoughts throughout the remaining six months of our pregnancy. 

In fact, not only did I think it would be fun, but I felt that I had some type of responsibility to attempt to put into words the types of feelings that go through my head every day--hundreds of times a day. 

For the most part, the feelings aren't new--it's just a new type of feeling within that feeling (make sense?). 

Let me explain. I've felt fear before--but not this type of fear. I've felt excitement prior to knowing my wife was pregnant--but not this type of excitement. I've felt love before towards friends and family--but not this type of love. I've experienced nervousness, anxiety, and even stress before--but none of those situations compare to the thoughts of caring for, being responsible for, and nurturing another human being. 

What I hope to do with this blog is create something that I can look back on in 20 years and remember what this pregnancy was like for my wife and I. What I want is a place to write down my feelings and a place to express my fears and excitement towards being a parent. 

Some people may ask why I don't just use a journal for this and keep it to myself. I ask those people to not ask me questions (haha). 

The truth is, I want to share this experience with my friends and family--because what better people to give us advice and encouragement than those we know that have experienced these things before. 

The truth is, I want a place to offer those around me a glimpse into my mind (insert joke about not wanting to be in my mind here) during this time in our lives. 

I hope you'll read it as such and enjoy the next six months with us.