Four Stages

Editors Note: I love my Mother-in-law very much and all of my in-laws. Nothing written below should put that in question...just clearing that up. I love her and think the world of her. I text her on her birthdays and hug her when I see her...she's great. This was the only cartoon I could find though that talked about my exiting stage process. I love her.


Since joining the Strong family (Annie's side of the family) I've noticed something.

And, after I conducted years of research and observation on the something, I came to the conclusion that this something--leaving her parents house or a family party or even trying to leave my parents house or family events--involves four stages.

Our four stage process goes as follows:

Stage 1 - The Initiation: At this stage Annie looks at me and gives me the "it's time to go, are you ready?" look. In the early stages of my study, I would get up immediatly and head for the door thinking we were leaving. In the latter stages of my study, I realized that this stage, The Initiation, was only the first of a four stage process. Annie doesn't literally mean it's time to go in Stage 1...all she means is it's time to say that it's time to go. So, now I stay seated through Stage 1.

Stage 2 - The Door: At this stage, the exiting moves from the couches or tables to the door we will be leaving out of. However, we aren't quite ready to exit the door. Rather, we stand at the door while brand new topics are introduced for discussion. This stage can last anywhere from five minutes to 35 minutes. It's my least favorite stage because it hurts my legs to just stand in one place...but I can't sit down because sitting down from Stage 2 automatically sends you back to Stage 1...once one person in Stage 2 sits, the entire group sits and we all move back to Stage 1 collectively.

Stage 3 - Opening the Door: This stage can be great, but it can also be brutal. You can open the door and think that you are leaving...but in reality, you are only bringing fresh air into Stage 2. It's important not to let yourself get too excited at Stage 3 because it really means nothing...I've seen new topics for conversation come into play in Stage 3, and I've been sent back to Stage 1 all the way from Stage 3.

Stage 4 - Getting in the Car: One would think that this would be the very final stage, and in most cases it is. While there is some lingering from Stage 3 to Stage 4, for the most part, this marks the end of the process and we end up going home. Don't be fooled, though. I've seen a Stage 4 get halted because of a forgotten phone or purse. Whatever you do, don't turn the car off or get out of the car while Annie runs in the house to get the forgotten object--that WILL send you back to a possible Stage 1...which is devastating on the heels of a potential Stage 4 exit.

So, those are the results of my study on the phenomenon of leaving. Again, this happens at most places we go and I know it's not exclusive to Annie...

Now, what does that have to do with pregnancy...I'll tell you.

The other night, at our prenatal class, we watched four birthing videos. We watched a natural birth, an epidural birth, a C-Section, and another natural birth. And when I say we watched the videos, I mean we watched the entire thing...the entire thing.

After watching the videos, I discovered that I could apply a four-stage process to how I was feeling about the videos. Here are my stages:

Stage 1 - Disturbance: I was clearly disturbed by what I was watching in the first video. I was shocked and I was grossed out...all at the same time. I couldn't believe what I was watching and I decided right then and there that I wanted nothing to do with watching anything like that ever again in my life.

Stage 2 - Fictitous Sci-Fi Movie: I began to think about how disturbing and gross the whole process was and it became easier to watch because I found it so disturbing that it felt as if I was watching a Tarantino film. It was so out there that it felt like fiction. It felt like a movie...with actors. I was able to watch the next births because I saw it as a fictitous event and it felt like watching a film.

Stage 3 - Realization: In the words of Eminem, I "snapped back to reality" and realized that these weren't actors and that this wasn't a fictitous film. I realized exactly what was going on. I realized that these were living humans arriving to this world and taking their very first breaths. This was the pride of these two parents arriving. They were seeing their baby for the very first time.

Stage 4 - Acceptance: By the last video, I came to accept the beauty (a term used loosley) of the whole process. I came to accept the incredible event that we were witnessing. I came to accept these little babies. They were gross, but beautiful at the same time. They were adorable. I even got teary-eyed (and not from vomiting).

In conclusion, I equate the pains of child birth with the pains of trying to leave a parent's house or family party with Annie...LOL! Just kidding.

In conclusion, I found the process to be wonderful. I found the excitement shown by the parents to be wonderful. I found this to truly be a miracle. Watching individuals take their first breath was astonishing. I can only imagine that the joy of watching your own child take his/her first breaths is something one will treasure forever.

I know I will.