North Korea Tension--It Affects Us All

As I was traveling this last week I started reading my most recent issue of Sports Illustrated and the cover story featured Dennis Rodman and his now famous trip to North Korea to apparently hang out with the dictator Kim Jong Un (who, by virtue of me typing his name in my blog is probably now well aware of my blog and who I am).

I laughed at the thought of Rodman indirectly representing our country with North Korea and wondered what exactly will ever come of that, if anything.

Then, just before take off, I glanced at a picture of Etta on my phone and I teared up and had to look away in order to maintain my cool guy persona I go for. But, in that second I realized the key to figuring out the conflict with North Korea, and it's Etta.

I started thinking--you'd be hard-pressed to come to a unanimous consensus amongst the American and the North Korean leaders as to the adorableness and the gentleness of one Dennis Rodman, but you throw Etta in there as America's "representative" and suddenly both countries find themselves in complete alignment--on one issue at least--the adorableness and gentleness of Etta.

I don't know, it's worth a try, I mean, nothing else anyone else has tried seems to be working.

In my life, I realize that I am terribly too hard on myself in many respects and terribly too easy on myself in others. I realize that certain days I really like what has come to be "me", and other days I'm not exactly the biggest fan of "me." I realize I'll go days, weeks, months of bottling up every emotion that I feel until they all seem to come out in a manner of minutes. And I realize, more than anything, that it's not exactly a healthy response--but it's me, and I have to deal with it.

But what I've also realized is that when I feel my own North Korea tension in my life, it always seems to be Etta's presence that calms things. It's always that sweet smile, her scrunched up nose, her wrinkles on her face, that ease the tension.

I'm no different than most people--my life is full of North Korean tension moments. Anxiety, stress, failures, etc...but what I do have that makes me fortunate is an Etta to alleviate the headaches.

Several weeks ago, my softball team lost a really tough game on our weekly double-header night on what I deemed to be a bad call by an umpire. I was so upset. After voicing my dissatisfaction to the umpire (who happened to be a good friend of mine), I realized that softball was really just the medium for me to reach that type of boiling point and that the combination of my North Korea tension had been too much for me and it had finally boiled over. I was steaming mad and not even sure what I was most mad or stressed about.

After the first game, I walked out of the dugout to switch fields with my team when I noticed Annie and Etta walking towards the field. They hadn't come to the first game, but made it down there for the second game. I instantly smiled. I instantly forgot about all the conflict, controversy, and tension from the first game and from life in general. Etta had a giant smile when she saw me and I couldn't help but smile back, bend down, kiss her, and proceed to the next game with a bounce in my step only a proud daddy could have.

She had done it. She solved the North Korea tension in my life--if even for a moment.

As I think about Etta, I realize that there is a list of about a thousand things that will make her happy at any given moment and will make her forget about the things that are causing her stress or frustrations in her little life. First on that list is watermelon.

It doesn't matter what has happened to Etta or why she is mad about something. If you give her some watermelon, she's fine. It's like the worst thing in her world that just happened never existed.

Her list of pacifiers (not actual pacifiers, just things that make her forget about her own North Korea tensions) include, in addition to watermelon, her sippy cup, a grown-up water bottle, her keys, my keys, Annie's keys, my phone, Annie's phone, the vacuum cleaner, walking, more walking, even more walking, her swing out front, getting the mail, Sandy, her blankie, her toothbrush, her comb, the lavender bottle, her actual bottle, her bathtub, her bath toys, cookies, chips, an empty Diet Coke can, and did I mention walking...?

These things, in addition to a myriad of others,  are so simple, yet so effective. They calm her right down. They ease all the little stresses, anxieties, frustrations that can intrude on her little perfect life. It's happiness in simplicity at it's very best. She exemplifies happy.

I tried to make a list of things in my own life that have the safe affect on me--a list of things that cure the North Korea tension in my own life--and I couldn't. I wish I could sit here and say that my list included, my scriptures, my hymn book, my DVD of Saturday's Warrior or even my Atlanta Braves.

I'm not sure I even have a more trivial list of things like a sippy cup, a blankie, walking, etc...in fact, I know I don't.

Really, my biggest thing in my life is her. It's that little, talking, walking resolution to conflict, stress, and frustration that is Etta.

It's the moments we get in the car and I look back and she extends her hand to me so that we can hold hands while I drive (a regular occurrence). It's when she laughs at my jokes. It's when she smiles when I chase her. It's when she claps when I hide from her while she's in the swing.

It's when she closes her eyes to give me a kiss. It's when she walks up to me and hugs my leg. It's when we share a cookie. It's when she sits on my shoulders and I catch her reflection in a window and see her smiling with her hands on my head. It's when she dances--sometimes when there's not music in earshot. It's when we dance together. It's when I just dance and she laughs. It's when she gets excited to take garbage to the trash can. It's when she waves goodbye to people five minutes after they've left.

It's when I cry from literally just thinking about her. It's because despite all my shortcomings, despite my insecurities, my inadequacies, my inabilities, she loves me.

As she grows up, her list of things that ease the North Korea tensions in her life is going to change, and it's going to include stupid things, I'm sure, (phone, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, stupid boys, boys who are probably nice, but are still stupid to me, pop singers, movies, probably chips and cookies still, etc...).

And while she ought to make her list in pencil as to allow for all the change, I'll go ahead right now and write mine in permanent marker.

My list is her.