I attended a funeral a couple of weeks ago for the sister of one of my really great friends. She has two very adorable, sweet little boys and from the funeral it was very clear just how much she really loved those two little boys and how much her family adores and loves those little guys.
My friend's sister struggled with some things throughout the course of her last days, and, from what was said during the funeral, struggled to combat some of the difficulties that encroached upon her life.
But it was during her mother's comments that I really felt a sense of gratitude. Her mom said that she had spent the last ten years trying every day to get her daughter to change her behavior and to change her life. She mentioned that she was hard on her daughter during those times to change her behavior.
Then, her lovely mother, who I love, said this phrase that really hit home for me: "I know there are a lot of parents out there who react this way as well while raising their children because that's the natural way to react. Well, quit it. Don't do that."
I'm grateful for her frankness and her directness with her piece of advice. She didn't know it, but I've hung onto that and will always hold on to that in my attempts at raising Etta. I'm grateful to this sweet mother for adding a little piece of advice to the parenting advice book that I keep in my mind.
I'm grateful for her willingness to share what she shared with those at the funeral. I'm grateful for her family and how they've come together and reacted in such difficult time. It's an inspiration to me.
It got me thinking of other things I've noticed since that funeral and there are many things that I am grateful for these days (here are a few):
-I'm grateful for the wind storm in Utah the other day. I'm grateful that while sitting outside with Etta during the storm, she'd rather say close to me than wander around the yard in her usual way. I'm grateful that she'd rather be within an arms length (a very tiny arm) to me than go and look at the flower table. Nothing big happened. Nothing earth shattering happened during that wind storm. I just sat on the porch and she stood next to me enjoying the wind, but not wanting to go too far away from me. I'll always pray for a wind storm every now and then.-I'm grateful that Etta has the mother she has. Etta is clearly connected at the hip to her mommy and she prefers her mommy over anyone else. I'm grateful that my daughter is being raised by Annie. Annie and Etta have such a different and special bond that is very obvious to me. I enjoy watching them interact. I enjoy watching them argue. I enjoy watching them disagree over small things like ponytails, pig tails, wiping Etta's nose, wiping Etta's face. Bath time etiquette. Bath time hair washing. Eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies. Etta wanting to play with dangerous things. The list goes on. Etta is in great hands with her mommy. And I wouldn't trust little Etta with anyone else. I love them both and am shocked they put up with me. :)
-I'm grateful for the time away. This seems like a strange thing to be grateful for, but I am. Whenever I'm away from little Etta, I realize just how much of a temporary void there is. I realize how much I miss every little thing that she does. And while sometimes I Etta day dream while I'm away for work, it's these day dreams that make me drive home faster than normal from the airport. It's these day dreams that make me giddy when taking the Center Street exit in Orem. It's these day dreams that make me pull into my driveway at about 40MPH. I'm grateful for the lack of police officers in Orem on the day I get back home.
-I'm grateful for some very good and close friends who have offered so much great parenting advice. And I'm not referring to moments when they've sat me down or called me and offered advice. I'm referring to the small things that I see them do or that I read about them doing with their children that make an impact on me. I'm talking about the quiet advice I see from the way they act and the way they parent. I've learned so much from these friends and they don't even know it. I love them all and I'll continue subtly learning from them every time I see them with their children.
-I'm grateful for Etta herself. I was talking with a buddy the other day about some things people say to parents and one of them was "God must really trust you with that little one." And I got to thinking that I disagree with that phrase completely. In fact, I don't think God trusts me at all with Etta--that's why she has Annie. I'm not sure I'm His go to guy for anything, much more the raising of one of His spiritual children. I don't think He says to himself much "Ok, we've got some very special spirits up here. Let's send them to the Flanman, he's all over this." Quite the opposite. I think that God trusts Etta so much that he sent her to me. The correct phrase is this "God must really trust Etta with you." He knows I'm going to mess things up a lot, but he trusts Etta enough to be a part of my life, and I'm forever grateful for that--to God and to Etta.I really don't know a lot (contrary to those who affectionately think of me as a know-it-all). But I know that I love Etta. I know that I want her in my life. I know that the list of grateful moments I've noticed sense attending that beautiful funeral is larger and could go on and on.
I know that a little family lost a daughter and it brought them closer together. What I bet they didn't know was that the loss of their daughter and their subsequent coming together has put my mind in motion and has helped bring me even closer to my own daughter. And I'm grateful for that.
I can't imagine the heartbreak they must feel, but I can imagine the love they also feel. And I can see the love they radiate. And I hope I can always continue to feel and radiate that love towards that little 28 inch, 26 pound, wrecking ball of joy that has lived in my home for 14 months now.
Thank you to everyone.
